Monday in My Mind

Some people joke about having voices in their head. I actually do. Well, sort of. Not separate voices. They’re all me. Just seventy-two versions of me trying to use the microphone at the same time.

I have autism and ADHD—AuDHD. Inside my head, there’s never just one train of thought. It’s never quiet while I’m awake. I’m not taking bets on my sleeping brain, either. The voices probably just whisper.

The best way I can describe it is a radio with seventy-nine stations and no tuning knob. At any given moment, whichever station is loudest—or happens to be playing my current favorite song—is the one I hear.

It’s early Monday morning, and the radio is warming up.

The Patty Griffin song I was listening to last night wants me to remember whether the bartender emptied out his big tip jug or his big tip tub.

The article I’m writing insists that I read the outline again, because I’m stuck on a transition after the opening.

The essay I’m revising objects to the cuts I want to make and schedules an editorial meeting immediately.

My back has filed an emergency complaint demanding that I stop writing on my phone and switch to my tablet and keyboard before Something Bad happens.

My stomach has issued a three-second warning that my Coke is about to go flat.

Another channel  wonders how many dimples are on a golf ball, but can’t access Google.

A favorite Brandi Carlile song reminds me that I can dance in a hurricane but I have to stand in the eye.

This is Monday in an AuDHD brain. By now we’re apparently up to eighty-seven channels.

I’ve never lived in a neurotypical brain, but I hear people talk about clearing their minds  or thinking about nothing or meditating, and I gotta say, I’m intrigued.

I don’t even know which of my radio stations would be in charge of turning off the rest.