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I had a friend in college who intimidated the crap out of me.
She also impressed me with her intelligence, poise, humor, confidence and compassion.
Around the intimidating, that is.
Over the years (a lot of them) since leaving college, I’ve sort of molded my personality around who I thought my friend was. I say “sort of” and “thought” because, for starters, it’s been a long time, and also, we never really know another person.
Chances are I’m nothing like she was, or like she wanted to be. But that’s not really the point, you know? At a time when I really wasn’t happy with the life I had, I thought about what I wanted, and I saw, or remembered, someone I admired. I created an image of who I wanted to be, and that’s who I became.
And over time, that image became who I am.
It doesn’t really matter anymore if I am, or am not, like what’s-her-name; in the end I became who I really was. But I like to think she’d like the person I became.
Jim and I are celebrating our 18th wedding anniversary today. Well, so far we’ve each had a piece of streusel coffee cake.
Anyway, after 18 years, we still not only love each other, but really like each other, which to me is not only the important thing, but a real accomplishment.
Yesterday Jim wanted to read a book I’d checked out, a recent translation of The Iliad. I warned him it was difficult, but didn’t say anything else. After a few pages, he decided the epic poem style is not really for him. I recommended a two-novel epic I’d read, The Ilium and Olympos, by Dan Simmons, based on The Iliad, that I thought he might like better.
The important thing to note here is that he didn’t have to apologize to me for not liking a book I’d read, and I didn’t think he should like it because I did.
I have extremely eclectic tastes, particularly in books and knowledge. No one likes everything I do. And it would be boring if they did. I couldn’t tell anyone about anything new, and no one could tell me about anything I don’t know, because they’d be too busy with stuff I already know.
I don’t want a clone of me, and I don’t want to be a clone of anyone else.
And I find it really annoying when someone else tries to tell me what to like or do. Really annoying. We’ve all known people who think we should like something because they do, right? I once knew someone who refused to believe I didn’t like something, if she did. Whatever it was, if she was crazy about it, she’d load me down with books, food, magazines, or whatever, because “I know how much you love this.”"
“I don’t like this.”
“Yes, you do.”
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sure, it’s funny to you.
But the truth is, one of me is enough. And to bring us back to the original theme, I think the main reason Jim and I are so happy together after 18 years is that we’ve become more of ourselves, together, over 18 years. Right, dear?
I’ve been reading news and comments lately, since I haven’t been able to work much. I’ve been gobsmacked at the really stupid things people will say.
For instance, I read a really great article cautioning about the different ways credit card companies may increase rates or charge fees while complying with the new laws. A commenter started ranting about usury, and how credit card companies move from states with usury laws to states without (which is a reasonable, legal move on their part). Then he said, “Sure, they have a right to make a profit, but that doesn’t mean they have a right to make as much as they can.”
Actually, it does. As long as they comply with the law, they do have a right to make as much profit as they can. The government has a responsibility to insure that the law protects citizens, and people have a responsibility to understand the terms of the credit cards they use and to pay their bills. And credit card companies, like all businesses, do indeed have a right to make as much profit as they can.
I saw another one tonight. I’ve been following the story about the school district that allegedly spied on students with webcams. I know a lot about computers, and I know a lot about language. The school district’s stories, which have changed several times, don’t ring true.
So I was really interested to hear that the software company that made the "security software" the school keeps talking about, has basically called the school vigilantes and is issuing an update to the software (which is no longer updated, generally) to disable the webcam function).
The first comment on this article said, “So only our government is allowed to spy?”
Uh…yeah. If you don’t like the way our government uses its law enforcement powers, you’re free to lobby your legislators. But yes, only our government, and law enforcement officers, with appropriate authorization, can “spy,” as this commenter put it. And school districts have absolutely no law enforcement power. There is no way, under the Fourth Amendment, that a school district can enter and search a private home without the permission of the homeowner.
Why does this matter? Why can’t we just write these comments off as people who don’t know or care how to form an argument, or who don’t know or care about how the world really works?
Because these are the people who populate the world. These are the people who vote, who make decisions, who work with us and help us run our society. And sometimes, we are these people. We say things without thinking them through.
It’s easier to just say the first thing. It’s easier to say, “There ought to be a law to keep these companies from making so much money.” It’s easier to say, “Well, the kid must have been doing something or the school wouldn’t have needed to spy on him.”
But it’s important to think about the issues and form an argument. Not an argument as in arguing, but an argument as in, a complete thought, a complete answer to the question. Something that stands up. Something you can defend. And something you can amend if it turns out you’re wrong.
I’ve been ill for a few weeks, and have been pleasantly surprised by my ability to just rest and allow myself to recover. I’ve been basically in bed trying to get well for about a month. I’ve been suffering from severe migraines and problems related to that, including exhaustion and allowing myself to get really run-down and unwell.
We’re starting to get the general migraine problem under control, although other related problems are popping up. I’m getting some strength back, but still feeling basically rotten and unable to function most of the time.
This has been a very humbling time for me. For the first three weeks, I was unable to do much at all. I could read, for short periods, but had trouble remembering what I read, and couldn’t read non-fiction or anything that required complex thought or analysis. I couldn’t think about things or discuss or “process” thoughts the way I’m accustomed to.
Now I can think more, and my system has enough energy to spare some for my brain to play with, but I’m still not myself. I’m not back to normal, and I’m having to take things very easy. Something as simple as a trip to the store can turn into a grueling journey if I’m more tired than I thought.
The thing is, I’m really learning a lot from this. Learning how to say, “No, I’m not up to that.” Learning to lie down and rest. Learning to find ways to get the rest and the nourishment I need, even when I’m tired of resting and too tired to eat. And learning to be content to just sit quietly when I’m not interested in reading or watching a movie or even listening to music or an audiobook.
I’m learning, maybe for the first time in my life, how to do nothing.
For those who know me, you’ll understand what an incredible feat this is.
This evening I wrote a note to our public works department thanking our recycling crew for doing an excellent job and picking up our recycling in spite of inclement weather this week.
This is notable because “excellent” is not a term I would have used for our recycling team until quite recently.
For years, I’ve struggled to get them to do their job even competently. Some weeks they wouldn’t even bother to show up–once for two weeks in a row, with no explanation or apology. They’d leave a big mess or throw our bins in the street (once while I was standing in the driveway watching them throw the bins).
If I complained, the boss told them who complained, and the next week they did the same thing on a larger scale to show that I shouldn’t “mess” with them.
A couple of months ago I complained, they showed out, I complained again, and two weeks later they stole one of our recycling bins.
I didn’t complain. I blew a gasket and made some serious threats.
And now we get excellent recycling service.
The thing is, all I asked–all I ever asked–is that they show up any time on the assigned day, not throw trash in our yard, and leave our bins in our yard, not in the street or someone else’s yard.
In other words, their job. Nothing more. Just show up, do the job, and not act like jerks.
I appreciate their extra effort today, and I want them to know it, but what I would have appreciated more would have been five years of competent service without the need to contact the head of the department and throw a volcanic fit about their abysmal treatment of us over the years.
And if they had been doing their jobs, rather than trying to get even with me for complaining that they were being jerks, they might not still be working on a recycling crew.
I’m an eclectic reader, to say the least, and I’m sometimes amused by others’ reactions to what I’m reading.
An acquaintance once said, in response to my reading list, “I should start reading important books, too.”
Hmm.
I read because I like to read and I like to learn. As far as I’m concerned, the only really good reasons to read are for enjoyment and education. Because I love to learn, I often read relatively obscure and “educational” stuff for fun.
But I don’t read anything because I think it’s important, per se.
Everything I read is important to me. Sure, I read biographies and history and literature. I read fiction and non-fiction that leave me changed and thoughtful. That’s important.
I also read non-fiction and fiction that charm me and make me laugh and relax me and refresh me. That’s important.
I have no desire to be judged by what I read, but it would please me very much if you consider me a better person for the fact that I read.
I hear people quite often say, “I really want to…”
When I ask how they’re going to do it, there are three classes of answer.
The first class is, “This is what I’m doing or will do.” Those people will almost certainly accomplish their goal, if they continue to want it and stay on track.
The second class of answer is, “I’m not sure yet.” Those people may reach their goals, if they make a point of establishing solid goals and an action plan.
The third class of answer is, “It’s not that easy,” also phrased as “I don’t have the (money, time, background),” “I can’t because…(of something supposedly out of their control),” “I’m too (old, young, fat, skinny, tired, sick or otherwise unable).”
The people who know how they’re getting there, or are willing to figure out how, have a great chance of reaching their goals.
The people busy saying why they can’t don’t really want what they say they want. They have a desire. Maybe a wish. But if they wanted it, they’d be doing something about it.
I can always come up with an excuse for not doing something.
But when it comes down to actually doing it, many people take the attitude that, “If it were that easy, everyone would be doing it.”
Who says accomplishing goals is easy? I was never told that. Getting somewhere is hard. But so what? Do it anyway. We weren’t promised easy. I never got a piece of paper from God saying, “I promise your life will be easy.”
But I’d much rather be where I am now than where I was 10 years ago. And while it wasn’t easy, it was worth it, and it was possible.
Some people won’t agree with me on this, and will have *real* reasons why something is not possible for them. You’re entitled to make that choice, certainly. I choose to get busy and do something about the obstacles in my way.
I have had a migraine six out of the last seven days, and not been very active in posting here for (I hope) obvious reasons. When I’m functioning normally again, I intend to talk about why and how I’ve allowed my health to control my life to such an extent, and what I intend to do about it in the future.
Occasionally (only very occasionally) someone will ask how I stay so organized with all my projects.
The truth is, I don’t stay organized; I’m constantly reorganizing and figuring out what’s going on and getting it all together again. For me, organizing is a constant thing.
But the tool/system I have used most and like best is David Allen’s Getting Things Done, described in the book of that name.
I want to point out that I am not a textbook implementer of GTD, but I don’t think that really matters. David lays out a system, and there are many ways to use it–paper, Excel, specialized software, etc.
I’ve just started using Microsoft OneNote, which is basically like a loose-leaf binder on my computer, where I can keep lists, link to documents and websites, copy emails, make notes. It works great with GTD.
The basic point of GTD is that you get everything out of your head, into a “trusted collection system.” For me, this is an “in page” in OneNote. I also have a list of actions for each project, and pursue the next action. Actions are marked with “contexts,” such as where they need to be done. I also tag mine with contexts like “writing” and “idea generation,” so that I know what mental mode I need to be in.
Basically, rather than a linear to-do list, I have a list of next actions on various projects, and I do the thing, at the time, that needs to be done, that can be done where I am, and that I have the time and energy to do.
I don’t do this perfectly, of course, but getting everything out of my head clears my head to actually accomplish my tasks.
I was doing some research a little while ago and came across a blog discussion (and I use that term very lightly) about a self-help author, whom the blogger and all the commenters agree is a charlatan. I can’t speak to the truth of that accusation, as I’ve never read anything by this author.
Then again, no one in the “discussion” had read anything by the author, either; they were just judging by what she writes about.
Then it got interesting. Not content to call this author a charlatan, several people started insulting her intelligence (presumably based on the fact that she’s a charlatan).
But then, and this is just astounding, several people agreed that she pronounces her last name–her own last name–incorrectly. It’s an unusual name, and I don’t know how to pronounce it. I assumed the author would know how to pronounce her own name, but apparently not. According to one expert in this discussion, “If it’s your name, I guess you can pronounce it however you want, but that doesn’t mean you’re right.”
Talk about looking for something to make a fuss about.
And by the way, I’ve decided to start pronouncing my last name dick-soan-ay.
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