As a business owner, marketer and author, I’m in a for-profit business. I have certain financial goals I must meet, to take care of my family. And I have certain financial goals I want to meet, to allow me to live the life I want to live.

As a person who was raised in a very religious family, without a lot of money when I was growing up, I have conflicts about pursuing profit.

And I want to talk about those conflicts because I think a lot of people have them. It doesn’t matter if you were raised in a religious home or a home where God was never mentioned. It doesn’t matter if you lived on food stamps or in a nice home with plenty and more to go around.

The thing is that we all sometimes feel bad for wanting money.

But while this is natural, I don’t think it’s either helpful or useful, and I don’t think it benefits the world for us to worry about whether it’s “okay” to make and enjoy money.

I have a couple of favorite sayings about this that I want to share, and then talk about what they mean to me.

The first one, and I don’t know who said this, is “If only bad people are allowed to have money, then only bad people will have money.”

To me, this goes to the heart of the belief that we’re not good people if we pursue money or if we want to have the things that money can provide for us. If good people can’t have money, then all the money will be in the hands of bad people, and do we really want that?

Don’t we have a responsibility to be good people with money so that we can do the things we want to do not only for ourselves and our family, but for the world? Isn’t that part of what money is for?

This train of thought leads right into the second thing I want to talk about, which is from Marianne Williamson: “The world is not served by your playing small.”

Almost everyone I know wants to do something big, something world-changing. The size of those big things varies from person to person, but it’s always something in the nature of giving and sharing and providing something that the world needs.

I guess I happen to not know any of the bad people (with or without money) because I don’t know anyone who says, “I want to have money so I can spend it all on myself and never do anything for anyone. What have they ever done for me?”

And what Williamson says is true. The world is NOT served by your thinking small. You cannot do anything for anyone if your world is constrained by your budget.

I know you’re probably thinking of a third saying, “Money can’t buy happiness.”

I’m not going to argue with that, but I want to look at what money CAN buy, and why “can’t buy happiness” is not entirely true.

Money can buy freedom from a horrible job.

Money can buy time with people you love.

Money can buy health care, which sometimes can mean the difference between life and death.

Money can buy food.

Money can buy housing.

Money can buy clothing.

Money can buy transportation.

Money can buy education.

Money can buy security.

Money can buy enjoyment.

Money can buy entertainment.

Money can buy the opportunity to do fulfilling work.

Money can buy opportunity.

What it comes down to is this:

You have to decide to be happy. But money can buy the components that allow you to make that decision more easily. Money can create the conditions for happiness.

Can you be happy living in a two-room shack with barely enough to eat?

I’ve heard people say they have.

But it seems to me that if you’re not having to worry about keeping the cracks in the walls covered up, and find food you can afford to eat, you have more OPPORTUNITY to be happy.

It seems to me that money makes choosing happiness a lot easier.

I know for sure that if my child was sick and I couldn’t afford to take her to the doctor, my level of happiness and fulfillment would go down significantly.

No, it’s not about the money.

Money is a resource.

It’s about having enough resources, of the right kind, to live the life you want to live, and be the person you want to be, and do the things you want to do.

And that’s why it’s important to pursue money.

Because you have way too much to give, to be sitting in a two-room shack instead of sharing what you know and who you are with the world.

I’d like to hear your thoughts on this. How do you integrate your dreams and your desire to earn money with the ideas and fears you may have absorbed about money as you were growing up?

 

I was having a great day today. Things were going well. Then I had to deal with an unreasonably unhappy customer for a graphic design job. He made false claims about what I promised, misstated how much of his time I “wasted,” and was generally a jerk. The main thing is, none of what he said was true. He asked for something I don’t do. I tried, I couldn’t do it, and I tried to resolve it amicably but he decided he’d show his butt.

Fine with me.

Sure, I wasn’t happy. I don’t like being called a liar or yelled at.

And the fact is, just a few weeks ago I would have gotten so angry and so upset that this would have ruined my entire day. Just one guy.

But the fact is, earlier today one guy, just one guy, whom I have a lot more respect for, told me how great I am and offered to help me in any way he could.

Maybe this second guy was right that I shouldn’t have taken on a job I couldn’t do—and if he’d told me what he wanted up front, I wouldn’t have. I accept that I have some responsibility for this not going well.

I also accept that I am responsible for how the rest of my day goes, and I don’t want to spend it worrying about a trilobite.

A friend of mine in college used to say, “Don’t let the trilobites get you down.” Trilobites, according to my friend, are microscopic prehistoric creatures.

The point is that this is nothing. This guy is a flea. So I don’t get paid for an hour and a half of work. Worse things have happened. In fact, continuing to work with him would be far worse than wasting my time; it would be soul-crushing.

The thing is that people are people. People take out their frustrations on you.

Things don’t go the way you want them to.

Traffic backs up and the guy beside you pulls up and cuts you off.

Someone calls you a liar or a bad name.

Or life intervenes in other ways.

You get a ticket.

Your car dies.

Someone runs over your mailbox (this happened to us this week).

The question is not, what happened?

The question is, what are you going to do about it?

Here are five things you need to do to keep from “letting the trilobites get you down.”

1.       Practice staying calm. I used to be (and sometimes still am) very easily irritated. A few weeks ago I started practicing not letting things get to me. Instead of fussing or complaining, I just try to focus on something else. This has really allowed me to be more stable and more able to handle the things that come my way. I’m more centered and balanced.

2.       Collect good things. We tend to dwell on the bad things that happen and give them a lot more attention than the great things. That’s a lot more attention than the annoyances in life deserve. Start writing down each day the awesome or even just good things that happen. You don’t have to keep an elaborate journal. Just jot a few words in Notepad or something. But do this. And when you feel down or beat up on, read your list of good things that have happened lately.

3.       Don’t brood. After I started this article, I had to leave it for a while to run a couple of errands, and I started thinking about what happened with my unhappy customer. Trust me. Thinking was the last thing I should have been doing. Because the thoughts went like this: “I should have said this, and then I should have said that.” “I’m going to give him a piece of my mind.” “This is all my fault and it’s terrible.” I quickly got a hold of myself and started thinking, “This is no big deal and it’s over. I said and did what I thought was right and I’m going to go back to work for my good clients and do a great job.” It’s easy to brood, but it’s just as easy to repeat positive statements as negative ones.

4.       Avoid trilobites. I have very few bad clients, because I am very clear about who I am. I allow my personality to shine through. I’m honest when asked if I can do something. I seek out good clients and I turn down potentially bad ones. And I don’t have trilobites in my life. I don’t spend time with anyone who doesn’t make me feel great about life and about myself. I have no time for negative people. This is a choice, and it’s one you can make. It may involve limiting your time with certain friends or family members, but you do have the right to be around people you love and who love you and who make you feel good.

5.       Decide to have a great attitude. This is probably the most important tip I can give. If you’ve decided that you are going to feel positive and have a good day (and a good life!) then no one, nothing can shake you from that for very long. Sure, you may get annoyed or hurt by a comment. You may get frustrated. But you have that positive center to come back to. And you will come back to it, because it’s who you are.

I don’t want to sound like I’m giving you an empty pep talk here. Everything I’ve said works, and I know this because I do it. Yes, I get upset. I have a pretty short fuse sometimes, and I sometimes feel hurt easily. But I don’t let those things determine how the rest of my day goes.

I’ve heard people talking about “letting someone steal your joy” or “giving someone your power” in these instances. I’m not huge on clichés, but I think both of those phrases fit exactly what I’m trying to say here.

You can decide what effect someone else’s behavior is going to have on you. You can decide how much you’re going to let an outside event affect you.

What are you going to decide?