The Power of Forgiveness

Thoughts on The Traveler's Gift, Part 6

"When I give forgiveness, I free my own spirit to release the anger and hatred harbored in my heart."

Those words are spoken by Abraham Lincoln to David Ponder in The Traveler's Gift, by Andy Andrews, and they've had a lot of impact on me since I first read them and as I've read them over and over. Forgiveness is a touchy subject for me, and I admit I'm not as good at it as I'd like to be.

Mainly, I don't understand the concept as well as I'd like. Even though I know someone doesn't have to "deserve" my forgiveness, I still sometimes feel I can't forgive certain people because they don't deserve it.

This chapter of The Traveler's Gift was very useful and helpful to me, and I'm sure I'll use it many times and re-read it again and again.

"When I Give Forgiveness . . . "

This is a really important concept for me, that we "give" forgiveness.

Too often I feel like forgiveness is something that's given grudgingly, haltingly, with much pain and resentment. But what Andrews is saying, through Lincoln, is that forgiveness is a gift. It's something we give, of ourselves. Not grudgingly or reluctantly, but freely, understanding exactly what we're doing and why. Forgiveness is something we do because we choose to, not because we have to.

Freeing My Own Spirit

The idea that I give forgiveness for myself is very hard for me. This statement, about freeing my own spirit, helps me understand the concept of forgiveness not being about the other person, but I still struggle with it. I almost feel like, if I forgive, the other person has won - that I have to keep fighting the battle, or I've forfeited it.

But what Lincoln is saying here is that when I forgive, I am the one who gets something out of it.

And you know, I can think of very few instances where I was made significantly better, spiritually or physically, by someone else forgiving me for something. Maybe I felt better, but in most cases it didn't really change me. However, I have forgiven and felt immediately and deeply changed. Maybe there's something to this, after all.

Releasing Anger and Hatred

I have harbored a great deal of anger most of my life. Less now, but sometimes still more than I would like. I am intrigued by the possibility that truly forgiving - the other people in my past and present and also myself - could release that anger.

Someone once asked me what my life would be like without my anger, and I said I didn't know. Years have passed, and I do know - and love my life. If I can have more of what I already have, by forgiving, then it's something I want to spend more energy on, because I know my life, and the lives of those around me, will improve greatly.

Forgiveness Is About Me

What I keep coming back to is that forgiveness is not about what the other person did to me. It's about what I'm going to do *for* me. It's about my letting go of something that is hurting me very much but not really affecting the other person much at all.

I can easily imagine that Lincoln might really have said these words, and I find them very valuable.