The Company We Keep

Thoughts on The Traveler's Gift by Andy Andrews (2 of 8)

In Andy Andrews' The Traveler's Gift, King Solomon, of course, gives David Ponder wise guidance. He has some very interesting things to say, for instance, on the duty of a leader.

But I was most struck by Solomon's words about choosing companions carefully.

We Watch Who Our Kids Hang Out With

If you're a parent, from the first play date you monitored who your child hangs out with.

When my son was about six, a little neighbor kid started hanging around. This kid was rude and nosy and was constantly breaking the apartment complex rules. Before too long, I told Jack he couldn't play with this little boy any more. Jack said, "Good. I don't like him anyway."

We Sometimes Pick Poor Company

I only have a couple of "real" friends now. I like it. They suit me. I recently rediscovered an old friend, which makes three, and there's a new friend who might become a close friend. That would be four, and it would be crowded, but it would be okay.

A few years ago I made a decision to stop spending time with people I didn't like all that much. Often these were people I knew from work or a writing group. They liked me, and sought me out, and I went along. But I was really just wasting my time, and I knew it.

More Than Wasted Time

The fact is, those people didn't have anything I needed, and by "wasting time" with them, I suffered far greater consequences.

I once had a coworker I liked a lot. She was funny and talkative.

She was also a whiner extraordinaire.

This did not affect me much at first. I loved my job. But as my situation changed, I, too, began to whine and complain.

I began to slack off because "everyone" else did.

Eventually, I left to start my own web design firm. The relationship didn't follow me, and I got my good attitude back.

The Danger of Negative Associations

I said above that those people "didn't have anything I needed." What I mean by that is that their attitudes were not attitudes I want to cultivate. Their lives are not lives I want, with whining, negativity, and laziness.

I may be an exception, but I doubt it. No matter how positive my attitude starts out, enough grumbling around me will bring it right down.

It is dangerous to spend time with people if you don't want to become like them.

The less you want to become like them, the more likely that you will.

Positive Role Models

We think, too often, of a "role model" as being a superstar or celebrity, even though many of them aren't.

I urge you to consider the idea of surrounding yourself with role models—your friends, your coworkers, your employees, even your employer. The groups you join. The people you spend time with.

Be with people you want to be like, and strive to be more like them in the ways that appeal to you.

Why All This Matters

It matters because, cliché as it sounds, cliché as it is, you are the company you keep.

If you spend time with people who have negative attitudes, who don't give their all to reach their goals, how will you maintain your attitude and continue to give your all?

You might, at first.

Eventually you won't. You'll just get worn down. You won't even notice.

Spend your time with the right people, not the convenient ones, and you'll notice you feel more like the you you've always wanted to be.